In our month dedicated to Authenticity, there is no better way to celebrate than to have K. Davina Frick, our featured leader this September, share her story in her own words. Also, be sure to check out Vina's full feature in this month's issue of En Root!
This month, I shared my vision of leading as one’s authentic self and the discoveries I made along the way including my gender journey. The gender journey taking half a century to begin leaves some people puzzled. When questioned, I provide a common refrain—no age is too young or too old to start questioning one’s sexual orientation or gender identity—or the entire concept of gender itself: i.e., other than body parts and chromosomes (which are not as neat and tidy as we like to believe) is gender anything other than a social construct? I also point to a podcast about someone who changed how they presented their gender identity at age sixty-seven. I also note that the same societal expectations that kept me focused on achievement also kept me from taking the time to ask myself questions about gender.
Above, I used the phrase “how they presented their gender identity” rather than transitioned. I have found that some members of the transgender community do not like the term transition, suggesting that it implies a destination or finality. I have heard some talk about “continuing evolution” or “continuing self-revelation.” I like those terms because the process of questioning and identifying one’s gender identity and presentation becomes a process anyone can choose to experience, or at least experience some other type of ongoing questioning, transformation, and growth throughout life. The process is normalized, with lifelong growth helping avoid stagnation and being seen as typical.
I can identify steps in my journey. In my mid-40s working with student groups, I got to know members of the group, Out for Business (now the Pride Business Association). I felt at home identifying as an ally. I had no reason to wonder about more than that. Around the same time, a direct report told me that I was the most empathetic supervisor she’d ever had. I wondered how many individuals presenting as male ever received that comment, but didn’t probe further.
I received Tomorrow Will Be Different (a memoir of a transgender female) in 2018 (at age 48), read it soon after, and saw myself in the author’s story. As an avid runner, I bought only traditional men’s solid-color leggings for many years. Then, I found an artist who makes running leggings, and I now have 30+ pairs with many floral designs.
In the summer of 2021, after my middle son got one piercing, I got one (a re-piercing from a youthful attempt at an earring), then another in 2022, then two more in the spring of 2023, and three more in the fall of 2023. I didn’t just wear studs or small earrings; I wore dangling earrings with interesting color combinations, including the large dangling sunflower to my cousin’s celebration of life—with my aunt’s full approval as my cousin loved dangling earrings.
I started wearing flats in the summer of 2023 and heels in the 2023-24 academic year. In that academic year, I changed my pronouns from he/they to they/he to they/them. I’ve grown my hair long and wear it in varying styles.
Each of these was a small experimental step; each step felt as though it brought me closer to the person I was meant to be.
I told my primary care provider on my 54th birthday, was referred to a gender-expansive health clinic, and started seeing a therapist, still trying to sort out my identity as non-binary or transgender. Having sorted it out, I started on hormones five months after the visit with my primary care provider. That was a quantum leap rather than a small step.
To maintain confidence throughout, it was critical to have supportive care providers, family, friends and colleagues, and members of the LGBTQ+ community, and to be in a senior position with a job that is close to guaranteed. These life factors gave me a chance to experiment with support.
Not all conversations were easy, but I made it through.
Choosing a name began with the inspiration to want to be called Vina; Kendall Davina, with Vina for short, celebrates symbolic meanings that stress evolution rather than tossing my past aside. Adopting the “she” pronouns became a clear choice for me. When I told my dog that his person needed to get her shoes without giving it a second thought, I knew the choice was right.
For those who never question what gender means in general or to themselves, that is fine. For me, being “she” made so much sense. So many things in my life shouted out, “SHE.” All of them were things that could be done by individuals who present as male. The feeling of being male and doing a whole set of things that call out “she” seemed notable. While I’m not saying that all women should be expected to do all that I associate with my being female, being female and having all these as parts of my life makes so much more sense of my life.
Many steps remain, but I am hopeful about my future as Vina. I am sure there will be questions I answer many times over, and I am sure there will be questions I continue to ask myself.
I hope my story helps to normalize a few things: understanding of gender as more than just chromosomes and body parts, asking questions about our gender or some other aspect of our ongoing lives that others in society take as a given, and the choice to live a lifelong path of exploration and growth in one area or an entire array of areas. This is just one story of continuing personal revelation of gender; there are many others. One story is not more right than any other. I am a better, healthier, and more empowered person for having given myself the opportunity to ask these questions. I challenge you to consider the questions you need to ask to focus your sense of self to move forward in an impactful manner.
Vina Frick is a professor at the Johns Hopkins Carey Business School. She is a health economist by training and has taught about the economics of the healthcare system throughout her career; she now also teaches about leadership ethics. She enjoys mentoring and is passionate about ending inequity.
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